Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
