like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
