Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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