a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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