Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
