Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
