I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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