We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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