Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
