Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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