you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
