I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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