Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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