Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
