Pants 0. Shit 1.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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