I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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