I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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