You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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