I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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