Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
