so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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