WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
