My Higher Power is John Stamos
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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