The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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