You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
