I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
