I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
