she woke up with a sticky ear
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
