I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
