Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
