I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
