1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
