If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Im part way to drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
