its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
