I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you had me at cake vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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