shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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