ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
