i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
