I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
