apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize