I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
