In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
