I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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