If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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