Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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