Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
