make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
