My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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