I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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