May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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