The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
