can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
