I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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