So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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