at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
