She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
