Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
