what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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