Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
whose parrot is this?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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