At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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