Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
