i'm signing you up for texting rehab
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
