Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
