just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize