Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize