All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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