She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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