Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
