best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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