I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
