he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
