sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
