There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
